Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
