When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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