Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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