I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
