That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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