Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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