I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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