Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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