there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
