ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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