I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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