I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
