he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
barbara walters just said penis...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
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We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?