idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.