he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable