Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was like eating out sand paper
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
