Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
