Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
