What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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