When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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