Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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