We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
