i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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