While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
