he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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