the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
