Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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