It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
