marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
