yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
