I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
