her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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