did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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