the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
