if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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