I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
