I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
