my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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