DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
