She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
