sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
