i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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