we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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