And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
