I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
