I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
