I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
