he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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