the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
