Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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