after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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