It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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