yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
