On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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