Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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