I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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