How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
