you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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