I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
