Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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