I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize