She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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