I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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