I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm getting married
To pizza
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
