$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
