I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
