I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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