Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
