he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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