Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

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(954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk

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(765): View more from Indiana

Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.

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(765): Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else. http://tfl.nu/92rk

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(515): View more from Iowa

Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here

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(515): Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here http://tfl.nu/owjx

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(510): View more from California

Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...

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(510): Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/p911

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?

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(617): how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night? http://tfl.nu/7t3i

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(845): View more from New York

No more Irish car bombs ever.

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(845): No more Irish car bombs ever. http://tfl.nu/mjsz

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(540): View more from Virginia

She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.

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(540): She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her. http://tfl.nu/1bms

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while

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(787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while http://tfl.nu/u6qo

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?

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(405): She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after? http://tfl.nu/ibkm

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(330): View more from Ohio

She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.

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(330): She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager. http://tfl.nu/suup

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.

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(570): I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo. http://tfl.nu/a7p8

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(910): View more from North Carolina

It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!

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(910): It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed! http://tfl.nu/bbxy

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(607): View more from New York

I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.

(1-607): View more from New York

Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.

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(607): I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid. (1-607): Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late. http://tfl.nu/e8gd

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up

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(248): I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up http://tfl.nu/z2m0

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(425): View more from Washington

My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with

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(425): My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with http://tfl.nu/lkbr

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