what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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