my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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