I cockslap morals
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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